IMAGINE IF YOU WILL A DOLPHIN
WEARING A TINY COWBOY HAT
THEN THAT SAME DOLPHIN GIVES BIRTH
TO A SOLID DIAMOND BABY…

THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!!
MAKES SUSAN BOYLE SEEM LIKE CHER
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!
IT CAN MAKE AN EAGLE MAKE LOVE TO A BEAR!!!

(Reveal a choir of literally a thousand people. We can use seat filling cardboard cut outs if need be. But it should be absolutely gigantic.)

THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER
PAULA, THIS AINT LIP SYNCING, IT’S REAL!!
THIS SONG IS BETTER THAN ALL CHRISTMAS CAROLS COMBINED
LIKE FINDING A NAKED LADY, IN YOUR HAPPY MEAL!!!

TALK PART: You know when I first read this song I asked “Did Dylan, Taupin and Angelou really write this.” And they said sort of. And I said what does that mean? And then they ran away. But after five bottles of wine I knew who the real writer of this song was….. the big man himself, God Almighty.

A THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW
THIS SONG WILL BE STILL BE SUNG
EVEN IF PEOPLE NO LONGER HAVE MOUTHS
THIS SONG COST NINE POINT EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS
BUT WE COULD NOT FIND A WORD THAT
RYHMES WITH MOUTH

WILL:

IF JESUS WERE TO SING THIS SONG
ON A MOUNTAIN OF PUPPIES IN A LAND OF OLD
IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL
THAT ACCOUNTANTS EVERYWHERE WOULD PISS GOLD!!!

THE END!!!!

WILL: Between me and you Ryan, this song is terrible.

SEACREST: Your mic is on.